testing times

My dear colleagues have to put up with a lot of old toot from me at work when testing faults in the Microsoft Office Suite (not that there are any, honest. It’s all good stuff, go buy it).

Here’s an example I’ve just put together and sent to Stuart to test a reported fault where the Unread Mail count is increasing when a Draft is saved or a message is automatically deleted without being read

Hello STUpert the Bear (everyone knows his name)

always a pleasure to see you young man. I often wish that I was you because of your rugged good looks and nice collection of jumpers and cardigans. I once bought a creme egg when I was young and put it in my back pocket. swiftly forgetting it was there I then decided to go for a bicycle ride in the countryside for the afternoon. these were the days of long, hot English summers when kids were allowed outside before Sony said that they weren't allowed out because they had to play on the playstation and eat pringles, pizza and Mars before dying of heart disease at age 17 due to overloading their systems with coca cola and red bull (it gives you wings cos you die and turn into an angel if you drink too much of it). anyway I soon found the creme egg on my return home as it had melted in my back pocket and filled it with goo and foil.

it's not a very interesting story, but at least it's an email that will go into my drafts folder so I can see what happens to my unread count.

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domainz

So why would Lloyds TSB Commercial Finance want to own the domain name alf.co.uk?

Keep an eye out for some kind of amusing advertisement featuring a man called Alf who runs his own business wishing he’d bought his commercial insurance/loans/etc from Lloyds TSB, hitting those channels that are financed by advertising — Soon.

got the wind

The fence along the south side of my extensive plot of land fell over yesterday.  But!

It may not be my fence. I dunno. The posts are mid-fence with the panels running between them. I have dispatched a minion to find the land deeds for Chez Boredofjam.

Mr Colin has promised a visit to survey the damage and prepare his invoice, mentally, whilst standing in my garden drinking a large coffee enhanced with a generous slug of my finest cooking whisky.

you and me, me and you

Lots and lots for us to do.

For example: Growing a mango, especially as they’re half price at Sainsbury’s at the moment.

I’ve looked up some instructions and will be setting the fellow off this evening (once I’ve eaten it). Regular (probably) updates to follow (so long as it lives).

at the carwash

The trend for superbmarkets to allow men in flourescent jackets to stroll around their carparks and offer to wash your car is a great idea. The chap that turned my crapheap of a motor into a gleaming, silver, alloy-wheeled driving machine has to have been a magician. The transformation was incredible, especially for just the five English pounds Sterling. Hurrah!

this lot…

wankers

Since moving house, they’ve not bothered to take any money from my bank account and are now demanding it with menaces. I was allowed no more than four months to pay off the £170 I “owe”. Having already told them it’s their problem about 5 months ago when they first highlighted the issue of “my” non-payment (they have not one, but two Direct Debits set up on my account, take your pick), they’ve done bugger all to sort it out.

My contract ends mid-June. I can’t wait to leave.

the most boring blog entry in the world… ever!

Did you know you can’t buy the valve caps for radiators separately? You know, the ones you use to turn the heat on or off?

Been trying for weeks and they only come with new valves, bad luck sonny. Any plumbers in the UK want to prove me wrong, then do so.

Many thanks