let’s hunt down and kill george lucas

May 26, 2008

“We’ve made this one for the fans,” they said.

Not for this fan.

“We’ve done as many of the special effects without CGI,” they said.

Then what the fuck are all the CGI gophers, explosions, fridges, monkeys and aliens doing in there?

Oh yes, Indy’s back and so are George Lucas’s shit-covered fingerprints.

I had wanted to love the return of the fedora-wearing archaeologist, I mean who doesn’t like a bit of Time Team now and then, and had thought that given 19 years they could have come up with a crackin’ storyline and screenplay, but, eeeaaah no.

The greatness of the original trilogy has been upset by this bastard teenaged son of a film:

What was the Grease/American Graffiti scene about?
Where was the 10 minute mini-story at the start?
Where were the thrill-ride scenes?
Where were the bad guys you could actually hate? Cate Blanchett turns in a role which is second only to Hayden Christensen for its blandness.

Why, in god’s name, did Indy get to walk into a tomb with Mutt Williams and get out again with no peril whatsoever? I will admit that there were a couple of badly cgi-ed scorpions, but no traps, no more creepy crawlies, no threats. Nothing. Indy even put his hand into a hole in the wall to open the tomb. Did he get trapped and the floor drop away? No. Did insects appear from nowhere to menace them? No. Did thousand-year old curses rain down upon them? No. Creepy skeletons? No. The undead? No. Mummies? No. Anything a bit creepy like the melting Nazi faces in Raiders of the Lost Ark? No.

It was bland. It disappointed from one scene to the next and the fuckin’ alien spaceship payoff, whilst pretty, truly has no place in an Indiana Jones film.

So here we are, I am starting a bounty fund for George Lucas’s retirement. If a million of us give him a couple of quid each, maybe he’ll just bugger off and sit on his diamond-encrusted Star Wars logoed throne on Skywalker Ranch rather than spewing out worthless shite like this.

Now excuse me while I write a better Indy film by cutting up old copies of Hello magazine and gluing random sentences together.

PS. Contains spoilers.

my hot new fedora desktop

May 14, 2008

Released yesterday, Fedora 9, codename Sulphur was immediately downloaded and tested on my pretty boggo standard desktop. Prepare for astounding proof that the Penguin is finally ready for everyone’s computing needs. Bill Gates will be shitting himself tonight when he realises what a piece of programming excellence and quality F9 actually is.


You will notice:

  • the stunning KDE4 desktop.
  • the widgets.
  • the instant recognition of all my hardware.
  • the inability to run as a “live” environment from a CD (you don’t seriously think I’ve given up hard-drive space for this, do you?)

the bbc sum it up nicely on this summery evening

May 8, 2008

Off to the pub to make detailed scientific studies.

dr wtf

May 7, 2008

Oi. RTD. What in the name of all things holy was that “sad montage” bit in the middle of last weekend’s Dr Who episode “The Poison Sky”*?

The Bloody Tate Woman has only been in 4 episodes, so what was the point in showing scenes from the last four weeks? Hardly a big-up emotional moment was it?

Get a grip you slack-jawed Welsh git.

(Still it was nice to see Martha Jones back, oh yes…)

* It might have been in “The Sontaran Stratagem”. To be fair, I can’t remember.

today i am joyous

May 7, 2008

If I hadn’t been driving at the time, I would have taken a picture.

This morning I saw a bus with a poster on its side for the new Indiana Jones film. Hurrah! And so long as George hasn’t gone completely “prequel” on its arse, and Spielberg can reign in his need to play up to the children-in-the-audience, May 22nd can’t come soon enough.