pubthursday report

A jolly evening was had by all, following the birth of Buz’s new kid. 

After a beer and a whisky:
Alf objected to Buzby’s use of the phrase “latest fruit of my loins”.
Sturge shot back with “It’s better than any description of your sex life” (obviously everyone needs a Sunday lunch discussion topic, but I consider this a foul slur upon the professional dignity and confidentiality of his mother, who we all know likes to look at willies up the STD clinic. Even on her days off).
Buz insisted that “two is our lot, we’ve run out of rooms in the house!” (This from a man who’s just had a kitchen extension and so has an appreciation of ‘things can be built’).

After a few more whiskies:
Alf admitted to watching “Laterwoo Road” on Wednesday night.
Sturge’s sister is now known as “the Fun Bus”, due to bad hearing, comedy misunderstanding and more whisky.

After a few more more whiskies:
A 3-d pyramid sculpture of whisky glasses is being built upon the table. Sam the barmaid is impressed by our sturdy constitutions.
Alf, Buz and Sturge are impressed by Sam’s lovely, sturdy consititutions, too. Buz then offers her money for something or other, Alf offers “Join us for more booze!”.
Sam runs away after congratulating Buz on his new arrival.

After a few more more more whiskies:
Alf spills some whisky. The pub falls silent whilst he pathetically dabs at a wasted doubler on the table with a small tissue.
Buz buys more whisky! Sturge puts in too! So does Alf!
At this point the pub is almost out of whisky.
Danielle adds a little bonus into Alf’s smallish “last one” (ie the rest of the bottle, making it up to a double from a single. Hurrah!) The pub is now, officially, finally, out of whisky.
A smaller, less daunting sculpture is mooted, but fear of broken glass and being banned stays our artistic hands.

Outside the pub Alf puts his arms around Buz and Sturge and says, “Awww, you boys. You’re all a bunch of bastards.” At which point, the evening draws to a close and we all scamper back to our houses for sleep.

Good work chaps, we will rid this country of the evil Irish wine!


4 Responses to pubthursday report

  1. Buz says:

    Only approx. 80% of this is true.

  2. Alf says:

    Like 80% proof, eh? Like whisky, eh? Like what you’re doing there!

    Buzza FTW!

  3. BigBlueSturge says:

    Not least the fact that you closed out the evening by calling Buz and I ‘cunts’ rather than ‘bastards’. Which I thought a little harsh, frankly.

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