Last year’s festival was one of the best yet, however this year we’ve got a treat for all you people hopeless enough to sit on the telephone all day last Sunday.
The organisers and sponsors of this year’s The Cooperative’s The Cambridge Folk Festival are proud to announce the following additions to the already extensive and eclectic line up:
Winners of last year’s South-East Birmingham Roots Breakthrough award, these lively Brummies will get your feet tapping through mindless threats of violence toward your person, or those you know. Their crowd-pleasing double-A sider of “We know where you live”/”Our Mates, Our Crowbars” will make you rush back home and miss the rest of the Festival. They will be both appearing and not appearing on Thursday night.
Formed from the remaining original members of 1940s blues band FULL TRACT, Semi_Colon play lightening-fast rhythm and blues, mainly because their bags need changing regularly. Controversial in the 1970s following their massed lower-gut removal operations in support of people with “glandular” issues, Semi_Colon are now more laid back than ever (or as much as their commode chairs allow).
Focussing on themes such as the indignity of growing old, aren’t those nurses looking younger, and how come a loaf of bread costs about 40 shillings these days, the Semis will play their set on a rubber mat, just in case of dire need.
Usually accompanied by a sousaphone, a double-bass, some timpani and a grand piano, the Losts raise high roofs even higher! This year, though, following a time at Heathrow’s arrivals lounge filling in forms to get their instruments back, Lost Property will be singing a cappella.
FRANK IFIELD’S HALF UNCLES
If yodelling be the food of love, this is your night for a slap-up meal, Bro’. These award winning, title holding and exceptionally talented Half Uncles will soothe any sore heads with dramatic soundscapes produced by four uniquely talented men. And a gallon of beer each. Stephen Fry is said to be a fan (look out for him, he may be standing next to you in the queue for the toilet!).
See them after the Festival on The One Show with that lovely bird on the sofa.
Achingly beautiful songs make up literally .5% of the repertoire of the ‘Eevers. Brought together by svengali figurine Richard Thompson, the only man in music to make a guitar die from boredom, the band are brought to the stage whilst still asleep in their beds or whilst watching Hollyoaks.
Interviews with Dazza and Yo-Bizzle (Brian), the band are very keen to expand their expertise in COD5 and will demonstrate their l33t 5k1llz live on stage by throwing an XBOX-360 controller through £10,000-worth of giant plasma screen before declaring that their parents are “bloody bastards” and that they “never get nuffink nice no more” before “goin for a faaaaag ain I?”.
From: firstname.lastname@example.orgMay 22, 2009
I appreciate people who can spell. I appreciate people who can use grammar. I appreciate people who can use punctuation.
But in case someone isn’t quite so good at any of that, I appreciate people who can use the fucking spell checker. Especially when claiming that their made up job has been put on hold. So witness this slightly unedited delight from the people who bring you cv-library:
I am hoping that suitabel roles mean finding a newspaper and smacking the crap out of whoever wrote the above. I do hope they earn under the National Minimum Wage.
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Posted by Alf