get me one of these. now.

if…

If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
If life gives you Cornettos, pretend they’re penises and make pornart.

yo! ubuntu!

It’s 1830 here in the UK on April 29th 2010.

Where the fuck is my new operating system?

[10 second-later] Edit: Oh, there it is.

kids your lesson for today starts here:

Remember, children: Never ever get involved with computers.

Don’t talk about how you once saw a computer on the television. Don’t say you saw a computer in a shop. Never admit to hearing about your friend’s dad installing a wireless router. Don’t buy a PC magazine. Don’t have an opinion on a games console. Never visit PC World. Never ask for a laptop, a desktop, a netbook, a mobile phone or an MP3 player. Don’t work out how to make some text go bold in Word. Ignore the internet. Never read up on new gadgets. If you can help it, try not to switch on a television or watch a DVD. Don’t set the clock on the dashboard of a car. Don’t replace the batteries in a remote control. Never get an email address. Avoid wearing black and never eat Mars bars and drink Pepsi. Your hero is not Dennis Nedry.

But even if you remember all of that, you will still be the computer expert in your family and be required to set up the wireless networking for your parents.

chernobyl tours (ice creams extra, da?)

It’s funny what the internet will turf up. A fella called Neil Byrne took a trip to tour Chernobyl, the site of the World’s Worst Nuclear Accident (They’ve Told Us About).

You can see his words and pictures here. It is a fascinating article, and if you are of a certain age and can remember it happening, I dare you not to be moved by it.

Of course, reader, this is boredofjam, and so you’d expect the moving to be juxtaposed with the stupid. So here’s what Google maps will show you if you go to Chernobyl in the Ukraine and do a “Search nearby”.

Perhaps sir would like a tasty biriani to go with his human tragedy?

Edit: Just noticed that the date for the disaster was April 26th, 1986. Twenty four years ago last Monday.

local politics for local people

The Guardian (dear god, them again) have a really good 11 minutes on the Tory/Lib-Dem coalition in Ipswich.

It’s worth a watch, here.

And don’t forget, if you really can’t stand it any more, Vote Badger!

classic wankery

Greetings.

Have this link. It made me chuckle thanks to its expert demonstration of a professional wanker demonstrating classic wankery.

Starting off by comparing some in-ear headphones to floor-standing speakers as a way of justifying this hand moistening, self indulgent pocket shuffling, is pure grade-A wank in a gold bucket.

I have a feeling that Steve Guttenberg, whilst not not-starring in Police Academy films is the sort of fella who will spunk out on $1500 HDMI cables. Literally.

But, whatever floats your boat. Enjoy listening to them badly encoded MP3s, y’all.