opinion piece

She texted:
>I see I’ve ticked the pervert box<

I texted back:
>Dear god woman, you can’t do that!<

Her reply:
>Why not<

My reply:
>Well if you put all us perverts in the same box, we’d enjoy it so much we’d never want to leave.<

She never texted back. Which is a good job. I could never love a woman that can’t properly punctuate.

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minutes from the synod

Hello everybody and welcome to the Synod.

I’d like to introduce our new Archbishop who is joining us on a six month rolling contract.

Justin is here to help us transition from The Church of England to our new brand, British Jesus. Our slogan has just been approved, and I’m pleased to unveil it as “Knocking Nails Into The Wrists Of Society”.