i want doesn’t get

User: Hello, I want Uber Expensive Software Package Pro. I need it on my laptop. It’s urgent.
Me: No, you can’t have Uber Expensive Software Package Pro on your laptop. Your laptop isn’t a company laptop, and we have made Uber Expensive Software Package Standard available over the network to people who actually need it. Why do you need it?
User: It’s very urgent that I have Uber Expensive Software Package Pro.
Me: I see. What exactly are you doing with it?
User: It’s very urgent that I have Uber Expensive Software Package Pro because I need to do Very Basic Stuff To Some Files That Can Be Done In A Different Software Package Lite.
Me: Oh, well the funny thing is I’ve written some code for Word that can enable you to do that very easily. It has two buttons, one for Go and one for Stop. Even you should be able to manage that. I’ve added it to your user profile.
User: So I’m not getting Uber Expensive Software Package Pro? ‘Cause I found the install files on the network and I just need the licence key now so it’ll work on my laptop.
Me: Use the code I sent you. I am Software Compliance. I am not easily angered, but you have managed it. And because of this, all of your output files will have the word “client” replaced by the word “penis”. Good day.

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