alan bennett’s war of the worlds

October 30, 2014

Who would have thought that at the start of the twenty-first century, jealous eyes were studying us from afar, like that time we watched Fatty Thompkins from the fifth grade standing, drooling at a pie shop window for an entire afternoon?
Slowly they gathered and drew their plans against us. But us Yorkshire folk are clever and cunning, so we turned all the signposts around to point in the wrong direction. That fooled the Martian invaders.
They thought they were invading Hartlepool, but most of them ended up confused and disoriented in Scunthorpe. The place was decimated.
No one noticed.
The chances of anything coming from Mars are a little more than evens, I reckon. Knowing what we now know.
I should have put a pound on it. I’d be everso slightly up on the day.

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occasionally I write, often I don’t write

October 23, 2014

Today? Both.


listen very carefully

October 21, 2014

This last Saturday afternoon I listened to a record album.

It was a genuine piece of vinyl, pressed in 1982, 1983. It was Paul Simon’s “Hearts and Bones”, and this copy had never been played before.

It was perfectly clean. No fuzz, no scratches, no pops or cracks. It was lovely, and it’ll never happen again.