advice

June 21, 2021

Son, if there’s one thing that you need to know, one simple thing that will keep you safe in this big, horrible world it is this: Don’t get a second Covid-19 jab on the same day you cut down your anti-depressant medication by a quarter. Your body is going to hate you very much for the entire weekend.

But there is bright news, son. It is this: You will feel 90% fine the time Monday comes around and you are back working.


opinion piece

November 12, 2012

She texted:
>I see I’ve ticked the pervert box<

I texted back:
>Dear god woman, you can’t do that!<

Her reply:
>Why not<

My reply:
>Well if you put all us perverts in the same box, we’d enjoy it so much we’d never want to leave.<

She never texted back. Which is a good job. I could never love a woman that can’t properly punctuate.


dear edf

March 7, 2011

Fuck you and your fixed daily charge. WHAT THE FUCK?!

Fuck you and your letter that arrived today, (I paraphrase) “from March 2 we will be putting the prices up ahahahaha”. It’s MARCH THE FUCKING SEVENTH YOU CUNTS.

Fuck you and your “the price of buying electricity and gas has been going up”. No it hasn’t.

Oh. And did I mention… Fuck you.