- Lara Croft and the bit where she runs slowly away from a Tiger
- Lara Croft and the bit where she walks through a 3D bush
- Lara Croft and the bit where she walks through walls
- Lara Croft and the Small Rock She Can’t Jump Over
- Lara Croft and the Frame Rate Drop When There’s A Bad Guy Just Off Screen
- Lara Croft and the shooting bad guys whilst running away from them, even though the gamer isn’t aiming at them
- Lara Croft and the Stupid Control Method where It Looks Like You’re Reaching & Jumping For A Ledge 500ft Up But Really We’ll Just Let Her Fall To Her Death
- Lara Croft and the nearly kills herself deviating from the main course because she can see something shiny up on a ledge, but after 30 mins battling with clunky controls, it’s just a small feckin’ medipack or a worthless medallion to unlock a stupid outfit.
- Lara Croft and the Am I Controlling Her In This Bit Or Is It A Bit Where They Try And Explain The Story?
Our blog chum, Neil (from out of HP) will be feeling vindicated with the recent announcement of the next generation of portable gaming equipment.
No no, it’s not another new Sony PSP Go (this time with no screen, no buttons, no sound and even fewer games)*. It’s Nintendo’s intended update of the why-is-this-so-popular? gaming machine the DSi.
Currently being touted as the 3DSi (see what they did there) it will bring three dimensional gaming to the pockets of the masses. Somehow.
Of course, if you wanted to play an actual 3D game you could just get off your tubby Nintendo arse and play some fucking sport. Or a game where you get some friends over and have to talk to them. But don’t take that personally.
(of course, the astute among you will have noticed that there is a clever Nintendo prototype machine pun in the title of this post).
Buz mentioned to me that he wants a Nintendo Wii for Christmas. Buz is a gamer, so this rather confused me.
“Buz,” I said. “You are a gamer. You should want a Playbox or a Station 360. Why oh why do you want a Wii?”
Buz said, “I have a gaming platform. It is my PC.”
“Mmm.” I agreed. Buz plays games on Windows. Like sol.exe and MineSweeper.
“So I just want a thing to play Wii Tennis on.”
“Ah yes,” I said. “Help Mario as he struggles through Half a league/half a league/Half a league onward/All in the valley of Death/Rode the six hundred.”
We laughed. We are scholars.
I just bought Super Mario Galaxy.
Most recently I have been playing Resident Evil 4 on the boredofjam Wii. It rules, much like it did on the Gamecube, only I’ve got further this time (and with the lovely Wiimote in action it means I can aim better to shoot the heads of them zombie fellas).
I happened upon a trailer for Mario Galaxy (name may differ, I’m getting old now so I can get away with saying things like my grandad did when I was young, like “Can I have a go on Jet Set Miner?” and “I’m world champion at Jumping Horace on Skis.”) and it looks like a complete and utter mind-melter.
Also, I’m a touch embarrassed to admit that, apart from the HD telly demo disc they run in Tescas with the lovely ladies in bikinis, the thing that grabbed my attention was a trailer for Boogie. I guess it’s a bit like those dance mat games crossed with Singstar, but not being a true-honest-to-goodness gamer I may well just be talking out of my rump ‘ole.
And, of course Tomb Raider Anniversary is out in time for Christmas. Chalk me up for one of those, Unc. And the game.