cat-pricorn one

August 17, 2014

It's a cat-astrophe. Oh yes, I went there.

Here’s Sparecat enjoying one of his favourite 1970s conspiracy theory films, Capricorn One. Next stop, The China Syndrome.

XBOX Exclusive

August 12, 2014
  • Lara Croft and the bit where she runs slowly away from a Tiger
  • Lara Croft and the bit where she walks through a 3D bush
  • Lara Croft and the bit where she walks through walls
  • Lara Croft and the Small Rock She Can’t Jump Over
  • Lara Croft and the Frame Rate Drop When There’s A Bad Guy Just Off Screen
  • Lara Croft and the shooting bad guys whilst running away from them, even though the gamer isn’t aiming at them
  • Lara Croft and the Stupid Control Method where It Looks Like You’re Reaching & Jumping For A Ledge 500ft Up But Really We’ll Just Let Her Fall To Her Death
  • Lara Croft and the nearly kills herself deviating from the main course because she can see something shiny up on a ledge, but after 30 mins battling with clunky controls, it’s just a small feckin’ medipack or a worthless medallion to unlock a stupid outfit.
  • Lara Croft and the Am I Controlling Her In This Bit Or Is It A Bit Where They Try And Explain The Story?

geek (proof)

April 21, 2010

Moore’s Law has been around now for the last 40 years, and every 20 months or so, it gets twice as long and complicated as before (or have I misunderstood this?) In the spirit of its recent anniversary, I present the following:

Table 1: Minimum system requirements for Microsoft Windows, by version:

Version          RAM            Processor            Free Hard disk    Year
3.1              1MB             286                   6.5MB           1992
95               4MB             386DX                  55MB           1995
NT4              16MB            Pentium chip          110MB           1996
98               16MB            486DX66               355MB           1998
2000             64MB            Pentium 133             2GB           2000
ME               32MB            Pentium 150           320MB           2000
XP               128MB           Pentium 300           1.5GB           2001
Vista            512MB           800MHz chip            15GB           2007
7                1GB             1GHz chip              16GB           2009
                                 (+DX9 video card)

different episode i guess

April 4, 2010

I watched the first episode of Doctor Who last night. So did IO9. Except they appear to have watched a totally different episode to the one I watched.

1. Matt Smith is not yet the Doctor. His interpretation – for this episode at least – was flimsy, but obviously it requires some time for him to bed down into it. Unlike David Tennant who spent most of his first episode in bed.
2. The story was excellent. A proper story-teller’s tale. And it didn’t involve wheelie bins eating people. This means, by default, without even trying, it was far better that RTD’s opener, “Rose”.
3. Amy’s Aunt knew the Doctor’s face because Amy has been drawing him and building little versions of him all her life. Pay attention.
4. Yer new version of the theme is just wrong.

That’ll do.

PS. Oh yes, apart from the bit which went against everything this British Institution stands for, and had The Doctor say “Who’s da maaaan?” Fuck off Moffat. The Yanks can sort themselves out for that kind of twat language if they want it. I know it was a joke and I know The Doctor said he’d never say it again, but in the entire world of acting, I’ve never seen a line said with less enthusiasm by an actor. And I’ve been to a lot of local amateur dramatics shows.


April 1, 2010

Dear Pipex

I’ve previously mentioned how awful you are when things go wrong.

Your inability to collect money from my bank account. Your lack of customer service, including your tendency to blame the customer for your mistakes. And your inability to consider that if one goes to, one is not necessarily looking for a business broadband solution. Where is your goddamn home broadband homepage?

I’ll tell you where: It’s offline. It’s down. It’s unreachable through all the browsers. Even Internet Explorer 8, which according to Microsoft can do everything in 8 seconds or less. Or am I missing something from their current round of propaganda?

All I want is my internet back or some way to find out when it might be back. Your message about there being a flood in Paddington (in London) is about as much use to me (in Ipswich) as children’s safety officer in the Vatican. The 7 minutes of hanging on the telephone last night whilst a computer told me “Your call will be answered shortly, Dave” did nothing for my opinion of you, my blood pressure, or my phone when I threw it across the room.

But hey, for fifteen quid a month for all the internet I could possibly eat, OK.

Fuck you. Now let’s snuggle.

the 3d revolution

March 29, 2010

Our blog chum, Neil (from out of HP) will be feeling vindicated with the recent announcement of the next generation of portable gaming equipment.

No no, it’s not another new Sony PSP Go (this time with no screen, no buttons, no sound and even fewer games)*. It’s Nintendo’s intended update of the why-is-this-so-popular? gaming machine the DSi.

Currently being touted as the 3DSi (see what they did there) it will bring three dimensional gaming to the pockets of the masses. Somehow.

Of course, if you wanted to play an actual 3D game you could just get off your tubby Nintendo arse and play some fucking sport. Or a game where you get some friends over and have to talk to them. But don’t take that personally.

*Gaming irony.

(of course, the astute among you will have noticed that there is a clever Nintendo prototype machine pun in the title of this post).

lucid lynx

March 9, 2010

I took some time this weekend and installed the next version of the Linux derivative Ubuntu, known to all the world as Lucid Lynx, in a Virtual Box window on my big boy computer. The full release isn’t due until the end of April 2010, but don’t let this stop you helping yourself to the Alpha releases and trying it for size.

Whilst the setup and install was a breeze on the Virtual Box, it failed rather spectacularly on a real computer. I’ll grant that it’s a fairly underpowered beast, but it’s a pretty standard set up, and has a nice Nvidia graphics card in it to help with keeping the speed up.

The main issue might be to do with the new ‘Plymouth’ startup mode which kicks the graphics card into action as soon as possible after the pc is switched on. After all, a lot of changes will be made to the base code of Lucid before it’s official launch date and there are bound to be problems with what basically amounts to unsupported, pre-release, don’t-run-this-even-if-your-life-depends-on-it software.

I will continue to tweak, but I have a fall back plan in case I have to wait until April. This month, Linux Format comes with eight distributions suitable for low-powered pcs.  Covered are the usual suspects, Damn Small Linux and Puppy Linux, but the round-up winner was Slitaz. Time to fire up another Virtual Box…

You know, sometimes I try to remember what having a life was like. But it’s too hard to think back so far…


December 3, 2009

I’m going to get me a hobby. One that isn’t drinking beer, or Irish whiskey. And one that expands my mind and keeps it from wasting away (cos that’s what the whiskey is for).

So! Readers! Poll time. What should be my new hobby? Knitting? Cross-stitch? Quilting? Trampolining? Or all four? At the same time?

The options are manifold and splendid, but you can help! Comment below with your suggestions.