April 28, 2010
Have this link. It made me chuckle thanks to its expert demonstration of a professional wanker demonstrating classic wankery.
Starting off by comparing some in-ear headphones to floor-standing speakers as a way of justifying this hand moistening, self indulgent pocket shuffling, is pure grade-A wank in a gold bucket.
I have a feeling that Steve Guttenberg, whilst not not-starring in Police Academy films is the sort of fella who will spunk out on $1500 HDMI cables. Literally.
But, whatever floats your boat. Enjoy listening to them badly encoded MP3s, y’all.
April 21, 2010
Apart from sounding like something middle-aged ladies have to wear when they want to laugh, cough, sit up, stretch for the last packet of Fybogel Orange on the shelf at Boots, or breathe, the WePad, to capitalise its name nicely, looks to be the choice gadget for the discerning technology user in 2010.
No surprises then, that it looks very much like that other thing which Apple launched recently. You remember, the computer they claimed was “magic”. However the abilities and specs of this machine prove that the iPad is made of big cheesy chunks of Far-East-built fail.
For a start, the WePad is widescreen. This is something that Apple appeared to think wasn’t a useful feature for a machine which was specifically built to help you consume media (read: buy stuff off Apple iVideoShop). For a second, it runs an actual magical hybrid of a Linux and Google’s Android. Or something. I don’t know. Dear god, it’s just a computer. There will be icons and a mouse and a keyboardy thing on the screen that will help you type.
I could go on, but the website for the Magical Mystery WeMachine is here. It’s a much nicer experience than reading my anti-Apple bile-filled prose. And Fifi will complain if I keep going on about how crap Apple actually are.
April 21, 2010
Moore’s Law has been around now for the last 40 years, and every 20 months or so, it gets twice as long and complicated as before (or have I misunderstood this?) In the spirit of its recent anniversary, I present the following:
Table 1: Minimum system requirements for Microsoft Windows, by version:
Version RAM Processor Free Hard disk Year
3.1 1MB 286 6.5MB 1992
95 4MB 386DX 55MB 1995
NT4 16MB Pentium chip 110MB 1996
98 16MB 486DX66 355MB 1998
2000 64MB Pentium 133 2GB 2000
ME 32MB Pentium 150 320MB 2000
XP 128MB Pentium 300 1.5GB 2001
Vista 512MB 800MHz chip 15GB 2007
7 1GB 1GHz chip 16GB 2009
(+DX9 video card)
March 29, 2010
Our blog chum, Neil (from out of HP) will be feeling vindicated with the recent announcement of the next generation of portable gaming equipment.
No no, it’s not another new Sony PSP Go (this time with no screen, no buttons, no sound and even fewer games)*. It’s Nintendo’s intended update of the why-is-this-so-popular? gaming machine the DSi.
Currently being touted as the 3DSi (see what they did there) it will bring three dimensional gaming to the pockets of the masses. Somehow.
Of course, if you wanted to play an actual 3D game you could just get off your tubby Nintendo arse and play some fucking sport. Or a game where you get some friends over and have to talk to them. But don’t take that personally.
(of course, the astute among you will have noticed that there is a clever Nintendo prototype machine pun in the title of this post).
January 11, 2010
1. You look like a twat wearing those stupid fucking 3D glasses.
December 4, 2009
My lightening-fast brain has come up with a cunning-oh-so-cunning invention.
People are always saying that they will send me food parcels in the post. Which is lovely and generous of them and everything, but what if they wanted to send me some stew? Or soup? Or a goodly portion of crumble and custard?
The invention, then, is this: A Jiffy bag which allows the transport of liquid and semi-liquid foodstuffs. A handy feature list also tells you that it can be hermetically sealed to ensure leak-free transit (even when suffering the throwings, stompings and attempted openings that the Royal Mail will no doubt attempt). Upon receipt, the package can immediately be put into the microwave and the recipient can open the envelope and dive straight in (no need for a bowl or plate) with a spoon to enjoy the supplied treats.
It’s a real seller, I’d say, and I’m looking for an investment of about three million quid. Cash only. And I’ll pick it up from one of the lockers at Liverpool Street Station.