question of the day 2

August 27, 2014

“Hello, a user would like access to XLS Viewer.”

“They have Excel.”

“They need access to XLS Viewer.”

“They have Excel.”

“Yes, but they’ve requested access to XLS Viewer…”

“OK, they can have it. But we have an updated version. it’s called Excel.”

“…”


i mean, seriously…

August 20, 2014

CHAPTER 1

I’ve just spent two evenings battling with Windows 8. What an awful, awful operating system it is to support and repair.

THE END


XBOX Exclusive

August 12, 2014
  • Lara Croft and the bit where she runs slowly away from a Tiger
  • Lara Croft and the bit where she walks through a 3D bush
  • Lara Croft and the bit where she walks through walls
  • Lara Croft and the Small Rock She Can’t Jump Over
  • Lara Croft and the Frame Rate Drop When There’s A Bad Guy Just Off Screen
  • Lara Croft and the shooting bad guys whilst running away from them, even though the gamer isn’t aiming at them
  • Lara Croft and the Stupid Control Method where It Looks Like You’re Reaching & Jumping For A Ledge 500ft Up But Really We’ll Just Let Her Fall To Her Death
  • Lara Croft and the nearly kills herself deviating from the main course because she can see something shiny up on a ledge, but after 30 mins battling with clunky controls, it’s just a small feckin’ medipack or a worthless medallion to unlock a stupid outfit.
  • Lara Croft and the Am I Controlling Her In This Bit Or Is It A Bit Where They Try And Explain The Story?

infamy

December 21, 2012

My god!

Amnesiac search engine Bing! has referred someone to my blog.

I feel dirty.


damn you DOS… damn you!

November 25, 2010

How much do I hate you? How much?


microsoft prove they just don’t get it

July 22, 2010

Word 2007 and its very own layout fail.


beware the virus makers

May 12, 2010

From Microsoft .NET Framework 2.0 – Application Development Foundation:

Running code with limited privileges has many benefits given the presence of predators who are foisting viruses and spyware on your users.

Predators?

ZOMG. Dude. There’s a leopard with an ASM assembler in ur filez stealin ur credit card details.


why i’ll never make it as a coderer

April 26, 2010

From the text of .Net Framework 2.0 Application Development Foundation:

…For example, if you want to get and change the extension of a file, you can do so with the Path class, as shown in the following code snippet:

// C#
string ourPath = @"c:\boot.ini";
Console.WriteLine(ourPath);
Console.WriteLine("Ext: {0}", Path.GetExtension(ourPath));
Console.WriteLine("Change Path: {0}", Path.ChangeExtension(ourPath, "bak"));

From the test at the end of the chapter:

3. The following code changes the extension of a file. (True or False)

// C#
string ourPath = @"c:\boot.ini";
Path.ChangeExtension(ourPath, "bak");

A. True
B. False

From the answers in the back of the book:

A. Incorrect: The Path class deals only with the string of a path. It makes no changes to the file system.
B. Correct: The Path class deals only with the string of a path. It makes no changes to the file system.

3. Correct Answer: B

Fuck you, .Net. Fuck you.


geek (proof)

April 21, 2010

Moore’s Law has been around now for the last 40 years, and every 20 months or so, it gets twice as long and complicated as before (or have I misunderstood this?) In the spirit of its recent anniversary, I present the following:

Table 1: Minimum system requirements for Microsoft Windows, by version:

Version          RAM            Processor            Free Hard disk    Year
                                                     space
3.1              1MB             286                   6.5MB           1992
95               4MB             386DX                  55MB           1995
NT4              16MB            Pentium chip          110MB           1996
98               16MB            486DX66               355MB           1998
2000             64MB            Pentium 133             2GB           2000
ME               32MB            Pentium 150           320MB           2000
XP               128MB           Pentium 300           1.5GB           2001
Vista            512MB           800MHz chip            15GB           2007
7                1GB             1GHz chip              16GB           2009
                                 (+DX9 video card)