Mes amis boredofjammians
Have a splendid new year celebration. I wish only that I could be at your houses celebrating with you (mainly as I’m assuming you have free whisky).
In 2010, we’ll be:
Living on the moon
All motoring around in flying cars
Wearing silver jumpsuits
Eating food from little foil packets (to be fair we do already, it’s called “take away”)
Employing robotic home helpers
Teleporting everywhere (except Cronenberg fans)
Solving the energy crisis — and more! Just hang around to find out what!
(Shit, that’s “The Jetsons”, ain’t it?)
We will not be:
Held to ransom by our increasingly arrogant governmentalists
Told that for our freedom to continue, we need to have some freedoms taken away
Taxed beyond tax. And beyond!
Seeing energy and food bills increase
Listening to yet more shite from Simon Cowell and his chums
Falling back into recession
Spending more billions keeping bankers in nice suits and cigars
Seeing Take That finally reunite with David Walliams
Seeing fuckwit voters in the UK decide that extreme right wing candidates are what this country needs
Relying on the NHS to be clean
Now fuck off 2009, you were a total waste of my time.