If your selfies are coming out blurry and I say “You need to clean the lens”, please clean the front-facing camera, not the one that was pointing away from you each time you took a picture that was smeary and blurred.
i want doesn’t get
September 17, 2014User: Hello, I want Uber Expensive Software Package Pro. I need it on my laptop. It’s urgent.
Me: No, you can’t have Uber Expensive Software Package Pro on your laptop. Your laptop isn’t a company laptop, and we have made Uber Expensive Software Package Standard available over the network to people who actually need it. Why do you need it?
User: It’s very urgent that I have Uber Expensive Software Package Pro.
Me: I see. What exactly are you doing with it?
User: It’s very urgent that I have Uber Expensive Software Package Pro because I need to do Very Basic Stuff To Some Files That Can Be Done In A Different Software Package Lite.
Me: Oh, well the funny thing is I’ve written some code for Word that can enable you to do that very easily. It has two buttons, one for Go and one for Stop. Even you should be able to manage that. I’ve added it to your user profile.
User: So I’m not getting Uber Expensive Software Package Pro? ‘Cause I found the install files on the network and I just need the licence key now so it’ll work on my laptop.
Me: Use the code I sent you. I am Software Compliance. I am not easily angered, but you have managed it. And because of this, all of your output files will have the word “client” replaced by the word “penis”. Good day.
question of the day 2
August 27, 2014“Hello, a user would like access to XLS Viewer.”
“They have Excel.”
“They need access to XLS Viewer.”
“They have Excel.”
“Yes, but they’ve requested access to XLS Viewer…”
“OK, they can have it. But we have an updated version. it’s called Excel.”
“…”
i mean, seriously…
August 20, 2014CHAPTER 1
I’ve just spent two evenings battling with Windows 8. What an awful, awful operating system it is to support and repair.
THE END
today’s finest question
August 14, 2014“The code you’ve written?”
“Yes?”
“If it doesn’t load when it’s meant to load, can you make it load?”
elementaryos freya
August 12, 2014I was rather pleased to see that there’s an initial Beta release of the new version of elementaryOS.
My main suggestion is that you go and download it. You know, because it’s good and stuff.
Linkington: http://elementaryos.org/journal/freya-beta-1-available-for-developers-testers
ubuntu natty narwhal 11.04
March 7, 2011Just installed the Alpha 3 version of the next generation of Canonical’s wonder OS.
And all I can say is they’ve got a bloody long way to go before I’ll let it near my computer.
What’s with the theme being ignored? Why does Gnome look like it did in Red Hat back in 2000? And the nasty glitchy shit on the dialogs and menus each time they’re opened? It’s like someone’s de-tuned a television. Still, at least it installed – on the second time of asking.
And the universal App Menu? Ahahahaha, do fuck off. I thought we’d seen the last of FULL SCREEN APPS after Windows 3 was launched.
XBOX Exclusive
August 12, 2014