Here’s Sparecat enjoying one of his favourite 1970s conspiracy theory films, Capricorn One. Next stop, The China Syndrome.
Friends, I offer you the following evidence from BT’s latest advert featuring the gurning ginger idiot who left the sitcom “My Family” to extend his career and, er, be in BT adverts.
The message I am taking away from this advert, entitled “Computer experts” (heh), is that if a video on a website doesn’t display in a timely manner, the only reason is that the broadband provided to your house is at fault. All other explanations are pooh-poohed by Kris Thingumy. “Let’s go to my house!” he declares and they have jolly japes whilst the narrator tells us all that 20Mb* broadband is the way forward (and BT’s is the best).
Last night, I had the misfortune to watch ITV1.
I don’t like ITV1. It’s like Channel 5, but with pretensions to being the BBC. At least Channel 5 don’t pretend. The best they ever want to be is ITV4 and don’t try any harder. However, the World Cup was on and as my team, the Germans, were playing, I figured I should swallow my pride and put up with Adrian Chiles’ fat face and an advert break every two minutes.
It was during one of these all-too-frequent advert breaks that the Gold-Blend-wannabe advert came on. So I tweeted my disgust at its deceit:
BT Broadband. Tell me how you can make the internet work faster if the service you are trying to view is overloaded? Like the ITV play[-er]?
Which is a fact. How can a server designed to serve, say, 100 people at a time, possibly manage to serve 200 people better even if those people have BT Broadband (running at 20Mb)*. It doesn’t matter how fast the end product to your house is. If the thing you’re looking at can’t cope with the demand, you will not see what is on there.
Watch the advert. BT Kris says (and I paraphrase) “No no, dumbass, it’s your broadband! It’s stinky like Adrian Chiles’ socks.”
Let’s face it folks, BT Kris is wrong. Still, I felt happy that I’d told BT Broadband off, and went to bed.
[fade out] [fade in]
I was amused this morning to discover this gem from @BTCare:
Well, that seems to confirm what I was saying. So simply pointed this out:
@BTCare: I know this, but your latest advert shown during the World Cup last night appears not to.
A few moments later, I get this:
And then! This:
It’s magic! @BTcare agree with me.
So, the question we have to ask ourselves this evening is, are BT lying to us in their advert? Yes or No.
By the way, BT, how’s that thing going with Phorm? You know, the illegal interception of private individuals’ data?
*Reader, please be aware that 20Mb is not what you think it is. See how that “b” in “Mb” is in lower case? This means that it stands for the computer word “bit”, and there are 8 of those fellows to a byte. Therefore a 20Mb connection is going to be 8 times slower than you think it is, and is actually running at 2.5MB (megabytes). Of course, this is in ideal conditions and won’t be reflected by the service to your door, but this will be glossed over and mainly ignored by your provider – no matter who they are.
I watched the first episode of Doctor Who last night. So did IO9. Except they appear to have watched a totally different episode to the one I watched.
1. Matt Smith is not yet the Doctor. His interpretation – for this episode at least – was flimsy, but obviously it requires some time for him to bed down into it. Unlike David Tennant who spent most of his first episode in bed.
2. The story was excellent. A proper story-teller’s tale. And it didn’t involve wheelie bins eating people. This means, by default, without even trying, it was far better that RTD’s opener, “Rose”.
3. Amy’s Aunt knew the Doctor’s face because Amy has been drawing him and building little versions of him all her life. Pay attention.
4. Yer new version of the theme is just wrong.
PS. Oh yes, apart from the bit which went against everything this British Institution stands for, and had The Doctor say “Who’s da maaaan?” Fuck off Moffat. The Yanks can sort themselves out for that kind of twat language if they want it. I know it was a joke and I know The Doctor said he’d never say it again, but in the entire world of acting, I’ve never seen a line said with less enthusiasm by an actor. And I’ve been to a lot of local amateur dramatics shows.
1. You look like a twat wearing those stupid fucking 3D glasses.
You like looking at pictures, don’t you?
Now, how about you team that honey up with this beauty:
Sexy details here in this obviously-only-geeks-read-this-stuff PDF (warning: PDF). I mean! As if we’ll fall for the old two-girls-hugging-on-a-sofa ruse? Maybe they’ll snog and undress and love each other in a way that only two women together can…
So, my order’s in.
Hands up who thinks that David Tennant’s Doctor in the BBC’s eponymous time-travel show, Dr Who, has a touch of the Frankie Howerds about him? All that “Don’t.. don’t… don’t…” nonsense is surely a give away.
How long before RTD gives up completely and we get prime examples of this in an upcoming special?:
“OoooOOoooh! Donna! OoooOoh he’s The Master, he says, oooOoooOOoh! Now… well… you wouldn’t oooh, you mustn’t… mustn’t mock the regenerated, no..”
Ah, Battlestar Galactica goodness.
Is Starbuck a Cylon? She thinks she is. But we’ve found out that the fifth Cylon is Ellen Tigh, so what can Thrace now deliver to us in the last few episodes of the story? We know that she has a destiny. But that can mean anything (and sounds terribly Star Wars, and she’s already led the fleet to Earth, so maybe it’s done and gone.
* A “lost” Cylon
* One of the gods
* A next generation something-or-other
* Just plain fucked up
What we do know is that her scary-burnt-up Earth equivalent, has heat-proof blonde hair.